Should I Feel Guilty for Receiving Postpartum Support?

Inspired by the book Mothering The New Mother By Sally Placksin

Over the past few years working in the postpartum field, I have encountered negative feedback from fellow mothers, both young and old: "I did it all by myself, no help," "I could never let someone else help me with my baby," "It's a mother’s job to do it all," and "Your services are for the rich and lazy." Let me stop right there. These sentiments can be frustrating and misguided. May I just get your attention for a second? to encourage you to stop focusing on the pressure that society has put on mothers for the past centuries. Let's shift our focus away from the societal pressures that have burdened mothers for centuries and may I say receiving support doesn’t make you any less of a mother or diminish your love for your child. In many cultures, it’s actually common practice for mothers to receive all the support they can get.

The word "doula" comes from the Greek word “doule,” which means “female servant.” Historically, women had a village of support, a community of other women who helped them through the prenatal and postnatal periods. Before advanced medical technology, this village of women was essential. Some cultures even treat new mothers like queens, offering them special care. Biblically, in Luke 1:56, Mary stayed with her cousin Elizabeth for three months, sharing in each other’s company and preparations. In the passage of Luke you read all sorts of trials, suffering, waiting, joy, and celebration- but when you see the beauty of the whole picture, you see the community that took place. Who knows what took place, did they help each other prepare emotionally? make blankets? prepare the nursery? did they share sufferings and experiences? Did they share joy? why can’t you enjoy the same support today? I’m not suggesting we discard evidence-based care and have babies in Bethlehem or cars—though some women do. I’m advocating for a village of support, from beginning to end. Why must we shame mothers? Why must you feel guilty? Our community should be uplifting and non-judgmental, nurturing new mothers.

Mothers have been deceived into thinking they aren’t good enough if they had an epidural, didn’t have a hospital birth, feed their child certain foods, or seek postpartum support. Shaming others is not your place, and you never know the circumstances people face. There are numerous benefits to birth and postpartum services: decreased use of epidurals and Pitocin, increased natural births and breastfeeding education, better birth experiences, fewer premature births, reduced postpartum depression and anxiety, increased oxytocin when bonding with the baby, decreased risk of ovarian cancer, lower blood pressure and diabetes, better sleep, reduced stress, and better infant education for first-time parents without typical support. These benefits highlight what having a birth doula, postpartum doula, lactation counselor, newborn care specialist, and sleep consultant can do. These professionals are not babysitters but educated specialists who serve vulnerable, judged, tired, scared, lost, overwhelmed, and stressed mothers. They are a village that supports and SERVES.

It’s time we stop letting the internet deceive you and many other mothers and parents out there just like you. Imagine an environment where women feel comfortable expressing and sharing their true thoughts, struggles, and feelings about motherhood—an environment that uplifts, encourages, motivates, and serves one another. My dearest reader, you are not weak for asking for help—you are wise. Seek help, ask for support, and become the best version of yourself for your family.

Warmly,

Your village 🤎